Self-Blaming and Regretting Mistakes: Why We Shouldn’t Do It.

Priyansh Shandilya
3 min readMar 22, 2023

As humans, we all make mistakes. It’s inevitable that we will do things we regret, say things we shouldn’t have, or make decisions that turn out to be wrong. While it’s natural to feel bad about these mistakes, it’s important not to fall into the trap of self-blame and regret.

“Self-blame” is the act of taking responsibility for something that goes wrong, even if it wasn’t entirely our fault. While “Regret” is the feeling of sadness or disappointment that comes with wishing we had done something differently. Both of these can be damaging to our mental health and well-being.

When we blame ourselves for something, we’re essentially saying that we’re not good enough. We’re telling ourselves that we’re flawed and imperfect, and that we don’t deserve to be happy or successful. This can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.

Regret, on the other hand, keeps us stuck in the past. When we focus on what we could have done differently, we’re not living in the present. We’re not able to fully enjoy the moment because we’re too busy thinking about what we should have done instead.

So why do we fall into the trap of self-blame and regret?
There are a few reasons:

  • We think it will help us learn from our mistakes. We believe that if we beat ourselves up enough, we’ll be more likely to avoid making the same mistake in the future.
  • We want to show others that we’re taking responsibility. We don’t want to be seen as someone who shirks responsibility or blames others for our mistakes.
  • We want to punish ourselves. Sometimes we feel like we deserve to suffer because of our mistakes. We believe that punishing ourselves will make us feel better in the long run.

While these reasons may seem valid, they’re actually counterproductive.

Beating ourselves up over our mistakes doesn’t actually help us learn from them. In fact, it can make us more likely to repeat them because we’re so focused on what we did wrong.

Taking responsibility for our mistakes is important, but there’s a difference between taking responsibility and blaming ourselves. When we take responsibility, we acknowledge what we did wrong and try to make things right. When we blame ourselves, we’re not actually doing anything productive. We’re just making ourselves feel bad.

Punishing ourselves for our mistakes is also counterproductive. We don’t actually deserve to suffer because of our mistakes. Punishing ourselves only serves to reinforce the idea that we’re not good enough.

So how can we avoid falling into the trap of self-blame and regret? Here are a few tips:

  1. Practice self-compassion.
    Self-compassion is the act of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we make mistakes. Instead of beating ourselves up, we should try to be gentle with ourselves. We should remind ourselves that we’re human, and that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process.
  2. Focus on what you can do differently next time.
    Instead of dwelling on what we did wrong, we should focus on what we can do differently next time. We should try to learn from our mistakes and use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future.
  3. Forgive yourself.
    Forgiving ourselves is an important part of letting go of self-blame and regret. We should remind ourselves that we’re not perfect, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. We should try to be kind to ourselves, just as we would be kind to a friend who made a mistake.
  4. Live in the present.
    Instead of dwelling on the past, we should try to live in the present. We should focus on what we can do right

I hope you found this post helpful, please share you thoughts in the comment section below and do follow me for more such articles.

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Priyansh Shandilya
Priyansh Shandilya

Written by Priyansh Shandilya

Simple. Honest. Interesting. Check my Blogpost : www.breakthatspace.in

Responses (3)

What are your thoughts?

This was an awesome article and lots of useful information. Thank you. I am new to Medium and so far have written only 1 article but plan to do more. Please follow me so I could reach my first 100 followers, I will follow you for sure!

Punishing ourselves for our mistakes is also counterproductive. We don’t actually deserve to suffer because of our mistakes. Punishing ourselves only serves to reinforce the idea that w...

You explained it so clearly. Loved it ...I love your article.🤩

Focus on what you can do differently next time.

Wow! This is powerful!
So, true indeed! Learn from mistakes makes us think about our mistakes too much but this way we can move on and truly find the solution we need such an awesome point!
Thanks Priyansh for this great read!